An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.
Join the dark side. We have cookies!
I'm not always a dork- sometimes I'm asleep
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips
The only reason I'm here is because heaven wouldn't have me and hell was afraid I'd take over.
A good girl is just a bad girl who's never gotten caught.
Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.
Taste the rainbow - Eat CRAYONS!
There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I ran with scissors - and lived!
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: where the heck is my ceiling?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself: I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
I see regular people! Run for your lives!
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A secret admirier is only a stalker with stationary.
If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!
If you are reading this then step 1 of my EVIL PLAN is complete.
You say physco like it's a bad thing...
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